Monday, May 07, 2007

human intertubes to replace internet

No more sending lousy messages, mp3s, photos, videos, podcasts to each other. The new young Super Geeks are sending themselves all over the world, over something called The Intertubes.

Set to replace the old, spammy, dubious, sporadic-connectivity Interplanetary Internet, the Commodity Internet, and Internet2, the Intertubes is a network of interstitial tunnel piping that will deliver embodiments of bloggers, web masters, CEOs, and other former netizens, to wherever the intertubes are connected.

Soon, all other forms of data transmission and personal transport will be but a distant, albeit charming, memory that no one will care about anymore. Gas will be worthless, as will SUVs, thank precious God.

Digital surrogates, enabling bloggers to send haptic immersive telepresenced incarnations of themselves, started the recent trend to "reach out and touch someone" via Web 2.0 tools and online social media networks.

But, as the automobile came swiftly on the heels of the invention of the humble bicycle, and then sprouted the space shuttles and deep space probes, the Intertubes network is poised to surpass anything the virtual-physical hybrid space has yet even dared to offer.

Super Geeks are already distributing themselves, their secret clones, and their digital surrogates to each other, for business and, er, pleasure, the naughty wankers!

"tubing" as the kids refer to it, is the Next Big Thing the younger switched-on, cluetrainy generation's ecstatically excited about.

There is also a "moon tube", the so-called lunar escalator pipe, that will transport you, your clone, or your digital surrogate, to the dreamy orb of light that shines at night upon Earth.

While many are not quite ready to "tube" that far, entrepreneurs in many tech quarters think the moon may be just an orbiting computer screen that they intend to "monetize".

"helter skelters"

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