Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Spiritual Slothfulness book

Tired of watching your friends and co-workers practice mind-numbing rituals that give them an extra edge in life and happiness without pursuing it?

Exhausted from hearing reports of mountain climbing, spooky seminars, trust-falling, group chanting, chain email blessings, and exotic candles bringing friends and co-workers supreme enjoyment of the bliss clusters of YALCE (Yet Another "Life Changing" Experience)?

Worn out from just thinking about how hard everybody's working for enlightenment and shedding a few spiritual or physical pounds?

I know the feeling. I'm already tired of typing all this.

When you've mastered the 12 degrees of mystical self-loathing, then, just maybe, you might be worthy of considering the next step: Spiritual Slothfulness.

Achieve tremendous mystical powers and insights, by doing next to, or exactly, nothing!

Just mope around, feeling sorry for yourself, blaming other people, as usual...then watch the astonishing transformation occur!

By using the easy, effortless, sleepy superstitious lies revealed in this excessively delicate and sissy-looking book, you'll be able to just want things to happen, and they will happen, at your drowsy command!

Telepathic friendship rings, pyramid power pencils, astral-deprivation rockets, eckankar carpet cleaning, vajra auto-vanishings, through-wall walking, soil diving, air swimming, money, love, romance, sex, conversation, emotional entanglements, courtship, hooking-up, dating, love partners, nirvana, eternal recurrence, re-birthing parties, extraterrestial voices, psychic surgery malpractice protection, boomerang spell deflectors, and more!!!

Act now, and we'll include a pamphlet composed of chapters one, five, four, and thirteen from "Winning Through Self-loathing", though there may be some typos, which is why we're giving them away for free, but the information, what you can somehow decipher if you spend a large amount of time trying, is still, possibly, good and useful, in some cases.

15 comments:

CyberGal said...

This is CyberGal. Why didn't you alert me to the 1st book in this series? You better make eBooks out of these, please? (eReader format preferred).

I'm really irked! I have at least a Master's Degree in LAZINESS, but didn't think to write this book! Oh, finally, a self-help book for the rest of us!

BTW Vespy, how's about a complementary copy of 2nd book so I can rave about how good you are? Where, on my internationally famous blog, of course.

This is absolutely BRILLIANT!

steven edward streight said...

Well, I just dashed it off. The book is only 3 pages long. I forgot to explain that. But it has a nice back cover, which is a sheet of reflectives silver, a mirror for self-influential rituals.

steven edward streight said...

Slackers and crybabies need spiritual growth paths, too.

Why should they be slighted? Aren't they entitled to the same rewards as those who work hard and struggle?

billy chemical deprived said...

Yawwwwwnnn...I'm too lethargic today to do anything about buying this book.

Since I feel so sluggish, could you just help me "want" it so bad it falls out of the sky, into my lap?

Paul Woodhouse said...

I'm with Billy. I could hardly be arsed to click on the link let alone read the damn post.

I fear I'm becoming more MSM-esque with every passing post.

steven edward streight said...

I wish you folks would not post all your comments here in one day. It's too much trouble to jump in here at reply to multiple comments per day.

In the future, if you see that one comment has already been posted, please wait and come back the next day to post a comment.

One comment per day is all I can drag myself over to deal with, I'm so blasted tired and demotivated.

I, uh, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

CK said...

I waited until this day to comment. As told. Good little blogette am I.

I particularly like the tagline. You hit it on da head. Maybe this can be an upcoming book-o-the-month.

Sterling "Chip" Camden said...

I really need to read this book. Despite what my wife says, I have a long way to go to reach the Nirvana of laziness.

Valeria said...

So this is what you were up to, huh? Catchy title, it would definitely be on my to-do list, if I had one.

steven edward streight said...

I'm so proud to see that the sporadic readers of this unlovely and morose blog are so in tune with the universal slow-moving, bare minimum work ethic of advanced laziness.

Lazies Unite, I would shout from every housetop and hutch, but I have not the strength nor motivation.

Valeria: I write non-existing books quite often and can whip them out like crazy, with almost no effort or purpose.

Those books that actually exist in some form, well, the real and the unreal get jumbled and intermingled to the point that the ephemera resemble the substantia.

If that makes any sense.

I'm not done. Just tired.

Humour and last laugh said...

globalisation is spreading our culture elsewhere.

carrie said...

ahaaaha

this reminds me of this one book i saw advertized on youtube called motivate you! and the dude was like so totally unmotivating it was amazing.

steven edward streight said...

Carrie: that's the way of the world. Mediocrity rules and most people have no business doing what they're doing.

True quality is so rare, true devotion, true spirituality, whatever, true art is so extremely rare in every aspect of life.

Turn inward, without guide.

Doc Searls: Thanks for linking to my parody of the book Chris Locke was bashing "Spiritual Divorce".

Evelyn Rodriguez said...

Thanks for the humor! So much spirituality takes itself way toooooooo seriously.

"Achieve tremendous mystical powers and insights, by doing next to, or exactly, nothing!"

This isn't that far off the mark, imho. Spend too much time striving and you miss what's right in front of your face.

steven edward streight said...

Hey Evelyn, long time no see. Thanks for commenting.

(Evelyn has a marketing/spirituality blog called Crossroads Dispatches that I highly recommend.)

I was afraid you were going to spank me for making fun of spiritual sloth, but you do have a sense of humor, as well as a terrific blog.