Thursday, August 17, 2006

Reginald Mental Hygiene warning 1 & Hope is Emo


One of my sponsors and mentors, Reginald Mental Hygiene Products, Inc., wanted me to post this urgent emergency warning to all bloggers:

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Reginald Mental Hygiene

Menlo Park, NYC, Paris, Tokyo, Berlin

August 17, 2006

To: Vaspers audience and tech pundits

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It has come to our attention that blogospheric player hate is at an all time high.

You must guard your mental health at all times, and surfing the web is no exception. We have developed systems, equipment, and techniques that can help you navigate more safely. No one wants to return from a Telepathically Malicious Website with a fried brain and a barren heart.

Reginald Mental Hygiene can give you the training and tools you need to preserve your mental balance and self-confidence, even in the heat of prolonged blogocombat.

Please pay close attention to the following announcement.

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How to triumph meaninglessly, so as to retain your sanity and personality...

A new form of player hate blogocombat is an attack on the sanity of the blogger, just because the accuser disapproves of his methodology or "can't understand" his content.

A self defensive person is deluded by Normal Mind into thinking he has a self that can be attacked and therefore must be defended. This grandiose overvaluation of a figment of the body's imagination leads the person down the path of conflict, battle, and strife.

A hardcore blogger doesn't care what anybody thinks.

You post whatever content you think might benefit your readers, or whatever you feel like exhibiting: expertise, talent, anecdote, solutions, links, insights, art, photos, podcasts, videos.

Fearful enemies and jealous will abuse you, insult you, demand that you see a psychiatrist. Just because they disagree with your opinions, choices, style.

You must know how to bypass all that.

Triumph Meaninglessly.

You keep posting text and audio and video to your blog, for one simple reason. To irritate the player haters who demand that you stop, get a life, see a shrink, or turn yourself into law enforcement. You disturb the mediocrity. They feel a guilt trip every time they think of you. Every time they force themselves to involuntarily inspect your blog and videos, they loathe them. They must bully you into agreeing with their superior judgment.

If you don't agree with their bullying critique, it means you're "an asshole".

According to them.

They hysterically rant, rave, and rage like screaming lunatics, but you, who aren't bothering or bullying anybody, are the one at fault. You, the happy, calm, contented person, you must be punished. Your smug lack of self-loathing must be desecrated and dumped. You are too prolific to be tolerated.

You make them look bad. Your efforts make their misunderstood martyr role suspect, as they obsessively, insecurely compare themselves to various "unworthies", i.e., successful and contented people. Like you, you asshole. How dare you show passion for blogs and video and RSS? How dare you feel so free to self-assert like you do?

They, who already tried to do what you're doing, and they failed miserably, these same losers want to clobber and spit on anybody who tries where they tragically failed. It's humiliating to them to watch you get hits, comments, response videos, reciprocal links, downloads, subscriptions, favorited status, media attention, and money.

They want all that too. But they're not good enough or disciplined enough to succeed. So they set you up as a target for their self-despising and shame. As long as they're hurting you, they feel a bit of illusory pleasure. If you laugh it off and call it satire, if you don't take them seriously and enter into detailed discussions, then you prove that you're just an asshole.

According to them.

Your joyous freedom, creative insatiability, and stunningly innovative productions are just too much for lazy Normal Mediocre Mind and the Kingdom of Melancholic Failure to handle. You're impossible to understand. They want to erase you.

But you remain you, and they fade away.

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Olscroft P. Reginald
CEO and Founder
Reginald Mental Hygiene

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Hope is Emo: Chapter One
"Words Are Dying" (3:24)

4 comments:

Humour and last laugh said...

Inspiring post.

steven edward streight said...

I'm glad you like it, friend.

I have experienced this from the first day I started to explore the interactivity of the blogosphere, having spent my first 6 months as the highest volume comment poster at a religious debate blog.

After 6 months of chat, blog, forum, and bulletin board comment interactions--then I started my own blog.

So I began right off the bat with BLOGOCOMBAT.

It's all I really know how to do online: promote, defend, and attack.

carrie said...

'reginald mental hygeine'

that's cool

sea snail said...

"'reginald mental hygeine'"

that's cool

I think I know some people who need the Reginald products and services

how can I contact them?