Thursday, August 10, 2006

my full head transplant

Before I entered the decapitation machine, my life sucked. I was known as some creepy guy called "Vaspers the Grate" and I bitched and whined about almost every blog and web site in existence. He, the old Vaspers that I used to be, even is rumored to have burned web design and IT audit books that he disagreed with.

But now, I have exchanged heads with Martijn, pictured above prior to the neurological miracle surgery innovation, and feel much better. I think. Time will tell, I suppose, but for now, I think I'll go eat another peanut butryol Thai eel sandwich, brandished in lime and black bean juice, with sprinkled forevers on top.

I, as the weird crabby Vaspers, became gradually less and less rational.

I, as the old Vaspers grouch, made up lists of "rules" and "core values" for blogging, purely based on whim and biased perceptions of grandiose delusional self-importance.

Vaspers used to clobber sleazy executives, boring wikis, jejune blog jumpers, and blog glimpsing cults. I gave advice where none was sought. I heckled blogs and videos I hated, probably because of my hideous socialization in grade school years, which I spent mining Lamb Pears in a haunted diamond juice extraction plant, from age 5 to 19.

Vaspers was a member of the Harry Potter Assassination Squad, Reginald Mental Hygiene Inc., Melvin Douglas Psycho Alcohology Association, with a privileged position of organizational power and prestige in both the Ritalin Your Teen Boy for Peace and Profit Organization and the Spurious Web Content Lodge.

"Needless to say, this tired old sod had it one time, back many years ago, but has lost it. He is now a marginalized mirage, an unwanted auxillary, a retrograde relic.

All his current environments fade into a swirling void of delusional indecision. He can't sustain a decent conversational exchange in the slow chat of blog comment fields.

He can't return thoughtful emails anymore, either."

This is what they said about the character called Vaspers.

Well, Vaspers is all fixed now.

He, or I, or whatever, had a full head transplant. His personality is all different. He goes by Leopold the Told, and he listens to everybody, accommodating as many as he humanly can. He is tame and indifferent now.

He is having trouble thinking, seeing he has the same mind but in a new head. See, you cannot remove a mind physically, even though you re-locate the brain and skull. So the head is different, yes. But the mind inside is a strange mutated slobbering vat of the blend of Martijn from the Netherlands and Vaspers from Antarctica metaphorically.

Just wanted to clarify the sudden improved change.

--- Leopold the Told aka The Former and Unmissed Vaspers


Here is, in the old manner of the idiot Vaspers, a quoted example of the type of emails that used to flood him in an unmanly and ungainly manner. His wimpy brutishness is evident by the fact that he rarely replied to such player hate communiques.

[QUOTE--email to Vaspers
prior to becoming Leopold]

bennett theissen
to me
More options 1:01 pm (34 minutes ago)

but this blog stuff is a serious drag

I accept that you're busy, but I wasn't asking complicated questions.

How can you tell people to think for themselves when you can't take two seconds to answer a question yourself?

You tell people how they can be "successful" when you aren't exactly.

You don't listen to anybody -- though you seem to be impressed by "billion dollar companies" which makes you sort of hypocritical since you hate those same companies, right?

All I did was send you a website of music that I thought you'd like, and wanted to say hello -- but you immediately go off on a tangent and ignore what I say. What's the point of trying to communicate then?

Because to you the internet is not about communicating -- which is a two way street. I listen to you, when you make sense, and you make less and less sense over time.

I'm glad you like Resonance fm, that's why I told you about it. But have you yet tried to connect to kill? Do you keep up with my shows (like I look in on your blogs)?

I've even given you instructions on how to connect, but you don't even reply to that. Evidently it's not important to you because you can't -- what?

blog back?

I could use some communication, but you don't have time to talk to someone who really does care about you.

-- Bennett Theissen, Kill Radio internet DJ performance artist and Camouflage Danse singer songwriter.


I yam a professional.

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