Monday, June 12, 2006

how girlspoke blogs

I don't know how I blog. I have so many different moods, issues, tirades, fires to put out, animosities to satisfy, and harangues to deliver, it's hard to say "how I blog".

I know one thing: don't blog with your mouth full.

And don't blog about your children, or display their photos on your blog, unless you filter them through effects that will make identification impossible. There are predators out there, stalking sites like yours.

But how do I do it, blog? How to blog?

It's like: A Book on How to Read a Book. Or a phone call that explains how to conduct phone conversations. Or a pencil that's imprinted with instructions on how to write with a pencil, sharpen it, make corrections with the eraser, and wield it as a weapon in a fight. Or a cow with slaughtering and cooking instructions branded on its hide.

I give you tips on how to write a blog post, and things like that. But how does a blogger "gear up" to do the arduous chore of blogging? Is there a method? Or is your personality your method? Do you have a methodology?

These dolls do.

I suffer myself to deliver the entire post, for clarity, and to entice you to go to Girlspoke and enjoy it face to face. With or without makeup.

It was Girlspoke, you may recall, that provided a photo, which I then abused, and posted as my "you WILL post comments!" poster, trying to light a fire under the Jack of...never mind. It's ancient history, with no blog scorching involved.

"How I Blog: Girlspoke Edition"

by Meme, on June 2, 2006


I've been reading some funny stuff over at the Blog Herald, a series called "How I Blog" that asks people to outline their blogging techniques. Well, we here at girlspoke have unique methods that inspire our daily dish.typing.jpg

For example, when Lo knows her day is coming up she prepares well in advance. Days prior she conducts field market research, usually at local universities and libraries (generally in the public restrooms, both male and female, sometimes in the janitor closet) and it seems this involves copius amounts of Chimay (try Duvel honey, it's much better). After that she compiles extensive spreadsheets which she distributes at our weekly meetings with an impressive powerpoint presentation. We holler and hoot like the British parliment and she narrows down her topic to the juicy bites you get here every week.

Now when Casey's prepping herself she calls her mother then consults her Freudian interpretation manual and is pretty much good to go.

research-library.gifAs for Jenna, she's a pickle. Quite literally, she gets out a jar of pickles, consumes all of them in the sexiest manner possible and that's when she knows she's ready. It doesn't end there cause every month she does her world-famous Horospoke™ and until now it has been a deeply guarded secret but I am prepared to reveal all. To get herself ready for writing Horospoke™ Jenna follows a strict routine: first she boils eggs, then she gently cracks them open…oh, I can't tell you, but suffice it to say it reads like a chapter from Georges Bataille.

Heather's a newbie so we're just beginning to learn her ticks, I mean habits. She does a funny thing where she puts on a yellow leather body suit and chants kaballah sounding stuff from a little red book (claims she's channeling her inner-Britney/Mao), but I'm not so sure she does that to prep for writing persay, seems to be more of a pre-date exercise.

stacks.jpgOh and Rizzo, she does so much research that she's still researching her second post.

It is rumored that Betty actually dictates her posts to her boyfriend who eagerly types away while shaving her legs, serving her chocolate dipped strawberries and constantly refilling her champagne glass. That's what I heard, don't quote me.

As for me, well I'm a pretty simple gal. I get my laptop, queue up the girlspoke admin page, and get naked. Doesn't take much more than that to get the proverbial juices flowing.

And there you have it folks. This is how we blog. Thank you and good night.


Now, has this inspired you to describe How [You] Blog?

How DO you blog? In what mode or manner do you blog?

How do you get up the verve and vim to post daily?

Have you ever kept a paper diary or journal? How long ago?

What is up with you and blogging? What made you decide to post something today? What is your momentum based upon? Where does your blog energy come from, from what does it derive?

What is the source and style of your blog power?


Harry Potter Assassination Squad said...

Per se, not per say, or purse A, or whatever you said, red.

I dig you dames. Flick me a fligger.

Meme said...

I can't believe your only commenter had to point out a spelling error. I hate spelling fuckwads. Just for that I won't correct it, Mr HPAS has to live with my egregious spelling vomitness till it drives him nuts and therefore off the blogoversesphere.

As for you, Vaspers, I'm still trying to get a read on you.

Humour and last laugh said...

One has to.

Harry Potter Assassination Squad said...

"your only commenter" if this crap blog is adrift with no one caring?

as if vaspers' readers are redlipped ringos? we lurk, mostly. y'o'u got somthing against lurking lady? lurkers are welcome here, red.

if you see don't see a lot of comments on a post, i bed that means that we're all still triyhing to understand what the hell vaspy's talking about, though we know it's somthing important, we just can quite clabber girl it up right, red.

thanks for the rugged volleyball puke-a-tronic lessons in blogliving.

i think I like your blogging methodology the best.

detrimental diode said...

George Bataille's book about a little girl who sits on a bowl of cream, and says milf for my pusy? milk for kitty.

then Raymond Roussell, then Raymond Queneau, then Lacan, the twins, Robbes-grillet, St Simon, St Germaine, the velvet lamp, human emissions of light radiance, Rilke, Proust, culmination pt = Maurice Blanchot.

diaper dan the shy guy said...

Girlspoke rocks. I hop around in a diaper all the time and nobody likes me, but I like poetry and sound experimentation, and beatnik literature.

I like cold sow, show fowers, flow goers and ick creme de menthes.

I hop around in a diaper. But that doent' mean I can kiss a girl sometime so maybe I can be like you too.

my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my m y my m ym hymy m mhym my my my my

Anonymous said...
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harry potter assassination squad said...
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i'm gellin' said...


Mr. Everybody said...

That's his symbol, the claws, for "cat fight".

steven edward streight said...

This Girlspoke post is a satire, they can't be serious, no one is that zany, so if there are typos, so be them.

Don't know why Harry Potter Assassination Squad felt he had to point out a tiny flaw in an otherwise funny and insightful post.

How DO you folks "blog"?

Do you get rip roaring drunk and stoned, then just rip off any boring thing that enters your silly head bones?

That's my pinch of salt slat, by the whey.