Tuesday, April 04, 2006

how dull can you blog?


I offer a challenge to you today.

Go to The World's Dullest Blog. Read as much of it as you can. Then see if you can imitate the poignant passion and zany zeal of this writing style.

What triggered this post was this--I visited the blog Textism today, and saw a post, entitled "Monty You Terrible Word" (this is the entire post):

"I ate a cheese sandwich today. It was pretty good."

You have to admit that most blogs never rise to any level higher than this. You read about mundane trivia that should have never happened, much less be written for the world to see. A boring person and an uneventful life are one thing (or two things? no, they're one single thing), but a boring blog is an entirely different matter.




See if you can write with cold, grim, bleak precision. This is not an exercise in futility, it is a way to probe the limits of language, from the direction of scientific objectivity and lacklustre prose.



Here's my version of The World's Dullest Vaspers:

MONDAY

"I woke up this morning and looked around. My bed and I seemed to be united, and I failed to come up with any reason to leave it. I rolled over and went back to sleep."

TUESDAY

"My friend said he was going to start a new job today. I called him an hour after he returned home. When I asked how the job went, he said it was fine."




WEDNESDAY

"I feel crummy whenever I eat chocolate. I ate a chocolate candy bar an hour ago. I feel crummy now."

THURSDAY

"I bought one of those For Dummies books at a thrift shop. The lady who rang up my purchase asked just how dumb I really am. I said not as dumb as I look, but I'm not sure if that was a good answer."

FRIDAY

"A song was playing on my CD player. I didn't like it, so I put a different CD on. This also proved unsatisfactory, so I pressed the stop button and stepped outside to listen to the birds chirp."

SATURDAY

"My boss gave me a dirty look. He has never done that before, so I entered his office a few minutes later and inquired as to why he did that. He gave me another dirty look and told me I was fired."




SUNDAY

"My foot began to hurt for no reason that I could readily ascertain. I rubbed it for a few minutes while I stared at the sore spot. The rubbing made it worse, so I ceased from engaging in that activity."

3 comments:

insain in the membrain said...

hehehehhehhhe- i dont think thats much of a challenge!!! :)

steven edward streight said...

Oh you are so modest. I'm sure it would be very difficult for you to be dull or boring or non-descript!

That hat has...verve.

I noticed last night that I failed to blogroll you. Shame on my dumb butt. Will correct this today.

;^)

BTW, your smiley is anatomically incorrect, or mutilated. Where is the nose?

insain in the membrain said...

i dont like the nose- it reminds me of a butler or some pointy nosed stuck up ass-.......You are so sweet...when your on your meds...just kidding:)