Thursday, April 06, 2006

astonishing adventures of sissyskirt boy genius

Here now are told, as mystical lore, the adventures of Sissyskirt, boy genius and giant slayer. When the elders remove their cowls and orbs, they speak reverently of Sissyskirt and his Remarkable Powers and Unauthorized Opinions.

When Sissyskirt was a little child of only 8 tender years, he was taken to the President's Night Parade, a much loved annual event, where the President of the United States stands on a wagon and people, mostly anarchists, vegetarians, nature worshipers, and anti-globalists, throw rotten tomatoes at him.

It seems that the people had somehow acquired the gross superstition that this weird and brutal ritual would effectively ward off evil doers and their predictably heinous deeds.

"But...the President has no pants!" wailed Sissyskirt in a loud and disgusted tone of voice.

The people of this saha-world hated anyone who told the agonizing truth about how fucked up everything was. They now, abruptly, hated Sissyskirt, the abused, alienated, and very poor, but honest, child of rosey cheeks and swift kicks.

"Hey lady, tell your voyeur pervert kid to shut the hell up," a Demopublican whined in a gruff, but effeminate, voice. Luckily, the people still had some reservations about treating a stranger's child distastefully. Suddenly, the crowd now turned to be on the side of Sisyphus, er...I mean Sissyskirt.

Sissyskirt looked at the mean old geezer.

"Sir, I suggest you do the shutting up, or....", Sissyskirt explained.

"Or what?" the guy laughed with beer on his repulsive breath.

With a flick of the wrist that was nothing more than a troubling blur to onlookers, Sissyskirt unscrewed the little vial and splashed the burning, but legal, liquid into the culprit's eyes, blinding him for life.

"Or...I'll blind you, that's what," little Sissyskirt scolded triumphantly, as the crowd cheered him on, and tried to trick him into doing more magic acts for free. Sissyskirt dove into the earth like it was a lake, and swam underground to surface in a wooded area near a neighboring town.

This was the first of the miracles of Sissyskirt, boy genius and giant slayer.

No comments: