Wednesday, March 08, 2006

advertisement poem: gastropoding

"I can blabber on and on forever about things I know absolutely nothing about."

CyberGal proclaimed over the Skype VoIP.

Her Apple Computer was performing fine tonight, as always, as she sipped her Starbucks , while the HP printer spat out another document with no-smear ink. With Linux OS, Symantec Norton AV / Firewall, and Blog Revolution Search Engine by Eurekster/Swicki and Vaspers the Grate aka Steven E. Streight, the entire world was happily computing, networking, and frowzy gastropoding.

I arched and advanced my broad, muscular (easy, ladies!) valvular ventral disk, and bellied up to the bar, my Swedish bungalow office suite. To pass some unwanted time-gas, with Ambassador 21 speedcore, from Belarus and Minsk, screeching out of my Sony boomboxster, I gazed malingeringly, almost menacingly at these time-eating brain-enhancers:

Gonzo Marketing (Chris "Cluetrain" Locke)

Managing in the Next Society (Peter F. Drucker)

Net Gain (John Hagel III, Arthur G. Armstrong)

The Thurber Carnival (James Thurber, Harper & Bros., 1931)

Catch-22 (Joseph Heller)

Deming's Road to Continual Improvement (Scherkenbach)

Free Prize Inside (Seth Godin, Portfolio, 2004)

New Introductory Lectures on Psycho-Analysis (Sigmund Freud, W.W. Norton, 1933)

The Confessions of St. Augustine (circa 426 AD)

The Vedanta for Modern Man (edited by Christopher Isherwood, Mentor, 1945)

The Road Ahead (Bill Gates, Viking, 1995)

Attaining Manufacturing Excellance (Robert W. Hall, Dow-Jones-Irwin/APICS Series in Production Management, 1987)

Competitive Strategies: Techniques for Analyzing Industries and Competitors (Michael E. Porter, Free Press, 1980)

World Class Quality: Using Design of Experiments to Make It Happen (Keki R. Bhote, AMACOM, American Management Association, 1991)

Guerilla Marketing for the Home-Based Business (Jay Levinson, Seth Godin, Houghton Mifflin, 1995)

Nichomachean Ethics (Aristotle, Hackett Publishing, 1985)

Webmaster in a Nutshell (Stephen Spainhour & Robert Eckstein, O'Reilly)

Marketing the e-Business (Lisa Harris, Charles Dennis, Routledge, Taylor & Francis Group, London, 2002)

The Media Lab: Inventing the Future at M.I.T. (Stewart Brand)

Between the Blinds: A Derrida Reader (edited by Peggy Kamuf, Columbia University Press, New York, 1991)

Naked Conversations (Robert Scoble, Shel Israel: Vaspers URL w/quote by -- p. 137 -- that mentions FBI and CIA, and special gratitude acknowledgement -- p. 234 -- for hyper diaper dapper Blogologist Steven E. Streight)

The Search (John Battelle)

Flight Out of Time: A Dada Diary by Hugo Ball (edited by John Elderfield, University of California, Berkeley, 1974)

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff at Work (Richard Carlson, Ph.D.)

How to Work for a Jerk (Richard M. Hochheiser, Vintage Books, 1987)

Talking from 9 to 5: How Women's and Men's Conversational Styles Affect Who Gets Heard, Who Gets Credit, and What Gets Done at Work (Deborah Tannen, Ph.D., William Morrow, 1994)

Tao Te Ching (Barnes & Noble, 2005, orig. sixth century BCE)

Remembrance of Things Past (Marcel Proust, trans. C.K. Scott Moncrieff, Random House, 1924)

Blog Marketing (Jeremy Wright: Vaspers URL w/quote --technical abstract definition of "weblog" -- by self-loathing Web Analyst Steven E. Streight)

The Innovator's Dilemma (Clayton M. Christensen)

Kenneth Patchen: A Collection of Essays (Richard Morgan, forward by Miriam Patchen)

Hacking RSS and Atom (Leslie M. Orchard)

The Analysis of the Self: A Systematic Approach to the Psychoanalytic Treatment of Narcissistic Personality Disorders (Heinz Kohut, International Universities Press, New York, 1971)

Credibility: How Leaders Gain and Lose It, Why People Demand It (James M. Kouzes, Barry Z. Posner, Jossey-Bass, a Wiley Imprint, 2003)

The Reformed Pastor (Richard Baxter, 1656)

Honest to Jesus (Robert W. Funk, Westar Institute, the Jesus Seminar)

Reality in Advertising (Rosser Reeves)

F'd Companies (Philip J. Kaplan)

Selling Your Services (Robert W. Bly)

Hidden Power of Electronic Culture (Brian McLaren)

...and sadly smiled, with well-placed placebo yawns at my own boring personality.

I turned the Pavement CD up louder to listen more attentively. To them, not her. No use. She grabbed me again, with yet another in what would shape up to be a long, unending series of sequential quotes to preserve as fast as my fingers could chop and chew.

"I love staying in expensive hotels," CyberGal stated somewhere along the line.

I put down my bowl of curry Vietnamese vegetarian soysauced jasmine rice, and growled into the CyberAcoustics CVL-1066 Micro d' ordinateur pour communication vocale sur Internet DNCT 4 Direct Noise Canceling Technology web mic. "You toss those quotes out like they're nothing."

"The Argent is like a mini-museum, where people like the CEO of Standard Oil might stay," she continued, oblivious to her funny one-liners, that rushed in tangential torrents, tightly focused and dispersed like lighting glue syncopes.

I sipped my Starbucks and inserted a Clay's Horehound lozenge candy in my open, blabbering mouth orifice.

"Yeah." I explained.


"...whole 5 minute conversation about victim mentality, RSS scrape marathons, thorn nets, customized auto-generated self-configured search engines, hyper mediated ecommerce paradox energies..."

"Yeah..." she whimpered mightily.

"...could make an okay podcast. Also, please write me a few paragraphs on how Born Blind Folks have blind face, a curious lack lustre facial expression, based on no experience of sighted facial expressions." I continued to beg.

"Okay," she agreed, as I had hoped.

"I am super blogoid object debaser," I chanted to myself with an anti-hypnotic marketing by Joe Vitale and Melvin Powers smugness that blew even me and the birds above away.

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