Thursday, February 02, 2006

Secret to MoVlogTute Success and Riches

The secret to MoVlogTute success and riches is this:

I will be the vlogger.

Vaspers the Vlog.

What I'll do on screen is be myself. Insanely creative people, and would-be wannabes love me. I turn everybody one way or the other: either on or, in very rare and exceedingly exceptional cases, off.

I'll drink 3 cups of Kava 98% acid-neutralized coffee.

I'll turn on some CD music by Rancid, Atari Teenage Riot, Attrition, Aaron Spectre, General Malice, Capleton, Enduser, Missy Elliot, Loefah, Tester, MarkOne, Morton Subotnick, Misfits, Mouse on Mars, Fiery Furnaces, Aphex Twin, Front 242, Coil, Squarepusher.

Then I'll shout oratorically, with grandiose gestures and secret Vaspers Hand Signals, as I get ridiculously close to the camera, like we get close to our blog readers...

...or maybe I'll disappear under my hooded navy wool arctic exploration coat, appearing as no more than an amorphous lump on the floor, quivering and whimpering my vapid pronouncements on THE [many--our research team is still out counting] BLOGOSPHERIA within ONE BLOGIVERSE.

I'll talk a million miles a second, with loud hardcore wreckstep ragga dubmash techno punk violins shrieking behind me, or from within me.

I will talk hysterically, super espresso hyper velocity, like a Buddhist Wonkette w/an Audio Editor rocking hardbeat experiment noise balm, on Post Topic Selection, Post Title Writing, Blog Title and Tagline Composition Tips, Blog Promotion Methods, etc.

I will interview brighter, nicer, prettier people than myself, and ask all my typical dumb genius questions about comment spam moderation, blog comment boxes as alt email apps, blogocombat victories, Triumphalist Blogging, navigation artifact resolution, siglink bombs, and sidebar feed promotion machines.

One company is already doing a bit of this. And they're doing it well.

MoBuzz TV magazine vlogs

I watched the video interview with Anina, appearing in my sidebar, and I was hooked. The second time I watched it, I was blown away again. Why? Simple. Fast. Hip. Artistic. Grindy. Breezey. Self-effacing. Community Sense Overload Euphoria.

The first visit hooked me. Robert Scoble emailed me about Anina, I googled her name, the fashion model blogger, and I visited the first link that looked good.

It just happened to be the revelatory MoBuzz vlog interview.

One visit converted me to the MoBuzz company, vlogs, moblogs, fashion-education hybrids, and ultimately, to the large and lucrative idea of massively eccentric and buzz-worthy MoVlogTutes.

I've made tons of underground films, and have invented many strange lo-tech and bleeding edge innovations in both music and videofilming and editing. My films "Wally World Peoria", "Madness in America", "Mars Explodes", "Bird From Another Dimension", "Adventures in the Art House", and "The Sleeping Charley" attest: I enjoy video immensely, especially when I also control the accompaniment music soundtrack.

Check out these cool MoBuzz vlogs now:

Future of browsers (Allpeers)

List Show (w/Worst Web Design, Best Products 2005)

Dangerous Dead Picassos

Hackers, Backers, Swappers, and Bloggers

[signed] steven edward streight aka vaspers the grate


Zafufilia said...

Well, if you need a content editor I can promise a three minute segment a week. But I have a feeling you don't want an editor... Other than that, the only talents I could offer are some web design skills, but your point is that the web is moving and redecorating, isn't it? Who needs HTML anymore? Doesn't blogger have a video blog feed thingie to make it easy?

steven edward streight said...

No the web isn't moving or redecorating, at least not any more than usual.

From where I sit, and I do a lot of sitting, it's new plumbing.

The vast webiverse out there, of which, on the Commodity Net, we see about 1%, the rest is hidden, invisible, password firewalled.

As networks criss and cross, some will be public channels, others secret, still others tech/edu, etc.

People will form tribes of channels. They will revert to closed clinking systems and unblog methodologies.

Blinking will replace blogging, or will modify it drastically, eliminating comments.

Blogs will blink at each other via RSS/Atom. Like smoke signals, digitized. Less like telephone or letters. More like music conduits.

Blogs will evolve to become transmission stations, all of us entertaining each other via multimedia web services and super time warp instantaneity.

Real time simulated voyages as people no longer care, not only about truth vs. lies, but also about real vs. simulated.

To the next generation, today's babies, reality will seem surreal and virtuality will be there only comfort zone and habitation.

As dadaist Hugo Ball implied in the 1940s, the real war will be long after humanity and life are gone.

The real war will be the robots and computers battling against each other. For training, they're using us.

Blogocombat is not one blogger against another. It's two machines struggling for full automatic intelligence domination, fighting through us human dupes.

That's the truth about blogocombat.

Every blogger is Ann Landers.

Blogs are slow chat rooms.

Blog until your head falls off.