Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Some Secrets of Deep Blogology


Hereby is thus the post in which is declared to mankind and the world what is to be known from this day forth as Some Secrets of Deep Blogology.

This must necessarily remain an immensely abbreviated and truncated revelation, full of jerky rhythms, awkward wordings, and sudden tangential exegesis. From the morass of defrosted quiverings, some bleak light may poignantly emerge.

I will write in an uncharacteristically obtuse and convoluted manner, with usability violating features like dense meandering paragraphs. This is done to ward off and annoy those drones who are seeking "shortcuts" to success or text-bites to ridicule. I speak, like all great seers, with vision in my fingers.

Hence, you become smarter.



Some Secrets of Deep Blogology:

(1) Blogs are myopic. Even when they are devoted to a product, idea, or area of expertise, still, in the blog, in every blog, there comes across a Person equipped with a Personality and Personal Point of View. Blogs are capable, due to instant comment submission, with instant or moderated posting, of enabling intense user interaction with another computerized individual.

(2) Blogs are capable of being used in unintended manners, one of which is as a communication channel to the blogger. It's like a Hyper Email that lands in the blog author's Most Intimate Inbox of All: his or her blog comment field. Even in the case of comment moderated blogs, where the comment goes to the blogger's email inbox to await rejection or publication, still, the comment has a high priority. "A comment at my blog?" the blogger thinks. "I must see what this is"--and the blog author generally will read new blog comments before almost any other email message or telephone answering machine message recording. The blog comment acts as a fast track to the private realm of the blogger. Posting a comment on a blog *first*, and then sending an email, if necessary, to discuss more private matters, is a sure-fire way to contact anyone who operates a blog.

(3) Blog for yourself alone, with a peripheral awareness of audience. The intensity must remain constantly in what you feel, what you do, what you think, what you hope, what you condemn, and not with how others will welcome what you write. You certainly wish to be interactive and to respond to questions, criticisms, suggestions, accusations, but you must be fully convinced of your own intentions and ideals. You must not seek approval or accolades. You must write the truth as you see it, experience it, or mentally figure it out. That's all. Your truth, so sublime and far-fetched, it touches every other sentient being with clarity and warmth.

(4) Blogs are slow chat rooms. I post what I post in order to express my opinion, what I feel, what I've read at other blogs, what I've seen on television, what I hear and like musically, not just to Express Myself. That's stupid. I would feel dirty and cheap if I laid bare my soul solely for exhibitionistic purposes. That's sick and disgusting. I post what I post--to stimulate your thought buds and taste modules, dear reader, gentle reader, open-minded and optimistic reader. I seek, though decidedly not due to loneliness, an emotion I have never felt, to arouse a debate, a polite conversation, a dialogue, a multilogue, a blogospheric explosion of fruitful metaphysics, i.e., meta-data, data about data, self-reflexivity in reverse.

(5) Businesses refuse to start blogs because they don't wish to hear from consumers.

(6) We tricked businesses into starting blogs, not so we could hear from them, but so they would have to hear from us, all our loving praise, thorny questions, and hateful venom for deserving targets.

(7) Blogs are the Universalization of Web Content.

(8) Blogs contain the Rise of the Individual Voice over/against the Information Hegemony of Church-State-MSM.

(9) Blogs enable anyone to publish any text and other media to a global audience: to anyone the blogger can entice to read his or her blog.

(10) The biggest impact a blog has is on the blog author. The frequent research, pondering, articulating, writing, editing, and responding to reader comments that go into a blog, all this activity sharpens the mind, and improves the communication skills of the blogger, whether anybody else reads it or not. Thus, popularity is of low priority compared to the discipline of regular blog posting and responding to comments.

(11) The "starting a conversation" aspect of the blog is always secondary, though also highly necessary, with "expressing your individuality and expertise" being the primary value of a blog. If you're satisfied with the progress in your thinking and writing skills, that's reward enough.

(12) Blogs are better than static conventional web sites, personal pages, and online presences. A typical personal web page is a lifeless blob, with Home, Books, Workshops, Study Guides, Contact, Speaking Schedule, News being the exciting provocative, never-updated, non-interactive, or product sales-hype items a user can choose from, and, uh...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


There.

That's enough for now.

Chew on those morsels of my poor impoverished imagination, until your mental jaws ache. Then you may be dismissed into the cold cruel world of, well, you know.

The other blogologists out there are saying: "Run a series of articles on a single topic, to increase reader loyalty and return visits to your blog." So I may take another stab at it. Probably fall flat on all five faces.

Upcoming articles in the "Deep Blogology Series":

"More Secrets of Deep Blogology", "Advanced Secrets of Deep Blogology", "Hidden Secrets of Deep Blogology", "Mysterious Secrets of Deep Blogology", "Bizarre Cryptic Super Profound Secrets of Deep Blogology", "Forbidden Wisdom on Esoteric Aspects of Deep Blogology", "Whisper Transmission of Taboo Knowledge Pertaining to Deep Blogology", "Easy Route to Total Blog Success," "Building Your Blog Empire from Scratch for Free", "Phony Guide to False Instructions by a Real Dummy on How to Improve Any Blog So It Becomes an Instant A-Lister", "Slogan T-Shirts vs. Blogs as Public Communication Tools," "Why Blogs are Better Than Smoke Signals", "Blog Scorching for Fun and Non-Profit", "17 Signals indicating that Your Blog Is Going Down the Drain with the Dishwater", "How to Have a Perfect Blog", "Why Blogging is Habit Forming for Compulsive Bi-polar Addictive Personalities Who Obsessively Think They Involuntarily Crave Stupid Stuff All the Time", "My $12,000 Blog Addict Recovery Seminar Bootcamp for Wayward Blog Fiends".

[signed] Steven Streight aka Vaspers the Grate
:^)

5 comments:

MARYBETH said...

well blasted boomering vaspering verbosity vaspering....
let me find the dam dictionary ad ill b back to get through the 3rd paragraph...ruckum...suckemgrrrr...........

...............

steven edward streight said...

ya forgat to use the phrase "your janky shit" as in "I'm about to toss the janky shit of your elusive blog posts into the trash pile to wait for garbage pick up in the rain."

MARYBETH said...

Hey there VTG,

your post was my vocabulary lesson for yesterday.

I purchased a book on a dollar rack (yes you read that correctly) at B*N in Amarillo Texas, called 30 Days TO A More Powerful Vocabulary.

My fear and embarrassment were confirmed as the results showed that I am in need of daily enrichment in order to expand my ability to express my self better.

I already suspected this; thus my child like Joy over discovering the book!

I also learned that my mind does some sort of BRAIN FREEZE when taking assessment tests.


Anyway, I admire people with a wide command of the

English language, like you ,and I am now doing the daily

lessons and have already discovered simple word origin

information that helps when trying to decide words

meanings on a multiple choice test.

Perhaps there is hope for me yet !

carrie said...

you've never felt loneliness? come now. are you not human? if i prick you, do you not bleed?

steven edward streight said...

I mean I've never sat around thinking: "I wish shomeone whuld come by a nd entertain me, cheer me up, keep me company, engage in conversation with me."

Isn't that what's meant by "lonely"?

I've never felt that.

I've never felt alone. I am my own best company. I have my books and my CDs to entertain me. I guess, while I enjoy other people, I prefer them at a certain distance.

The thing I think I hate most about telephone conversations is they force you to abandon your solitude.

Solitude is wonderful.

But with a phone receiver pressed up against my ear, a loud voice is demanding recognition, shouting directly into my ear.

It's difficult to endure, phone conversation.

Another eccentricity of mine is I hate movies and television. Yet I love staring at the computer screen, just not the silver screen.

I can watch television for about 10 to 30 minutes, then I have to leave and do something else. Normally I catch a little world news and that's it.

I haven't been to a movie theater since 1999, with one exception, at that was a group viewing I was somehow hoodwinked into participating in: the movie was "Luther". Great film.

I don't plan to ever see any movie ever again, but I have an inordinate craving for more and more music.

I could sit and download music, or create my own, 20 hours a day. Sometimes I do. I'm nutty that way. I get obsessed with things I like, and avoid what is mere distraction and fantasy.