Saturday, January 07, 2006

She-bloggers horror film

This "Invasion of the She-bloggers" is a horror film I wish to make. Did you know that I used to make underground videocam films?

She-bloggers start causing trouble in both the blogosphere and the bedroom.

It would be R-rated, with scenes of drunk male bloggers hitting on sober she-bloggers at blog conferences. No sex scenes, but "clinking" is taken to shameful extremes, shall we say, and just leave it at that.

"Invasion of the She-bloggers" portrays women bloggers as more apt to develop a loyal online community of readers, than men. It will also raise the question of why there seems to be no gender-specific genetic disposition toward blogging.

This film will answer the question: "How can women gain exo-blogospheric power by dominating the blogosphere with high quality blogs?" and fully explicate: "How to win a she-blogger's fiery and flaming heart."

All the she-bloggers sport allegorical fangs, whilst the male bloggerettes are slack jawed and worrisomely wimpy.

Also to feature:

* blogo-catfights between lady blog authors over fictional character blogs and mommy blogging!!!

* heated debate over Online Shopping vs. Identity Theft Safeguards!!!

* flaming arguments about displaying photos of children, and presenting intimate personal and family details, in a blog!!!

* statistics on age, income, and education level of bloggers vs. know-nothings (non-bloggers)!!!

* secret techniques of "arche-blogging", "ur-blogging", "hyper-blogging", and "femino-anarchic blogocombat"!!!

* retreat of male bloggers in the wake of the revolutionary spirit of the mighty and pervasive She-Bloggers!!!

I actually started making zero budget movies in college when I was 18 years old. I continue all the interests I originally had way back when I was a child and teenager. I have abandoned only one: militarism.

As a child I played with toy soldiers and wore helmets. As a man I advocate nonviolent disobedience and peaceful revolution, as much of the world is engaged in currently.

My ancestor Colonel Abel Streight was a historical character, a tiny footnote to the American Civil War, he surrendered his sword to a Confederate general who outfoxed my predecessor by rolling the same single only cannon over a hill repeatedly to simulate a whole fleet of cannon. Wishing to avoid a total massacre of his men, my great great great great grandaddy waved the white flag. I at least admire his compassion for his men, though I regret he served in any combat role.

But wait.

Maybe I'm not a pure pacifist, someone who's against all violence, all war, all fighting, since I do engage in blogocombat.

But I'm also against mental, spiritual, and verbal violence. One can be firm, stern, and assertive...without being violent, hateful, or oppressive.

A few of the things I wage war against are:

vulgarity, exploitation, unfair labor practices, psycho-capitalism, totalitarian socialism, unprovoked disrespect or ridicule, racism, sexism, xenophobic nationalism, frenzied chauvinistic patriotism, patriarchy, hierarchy, outmoded or misanthropic tradition, passivity, unmindfulness, traitorous homeland betrayal, televangelist con artists, scientific method exalted as the highest form of Mind (oblivious to multi-dimensonal, metaphysical qualities and activities, like unmerited compassion, universality of suffering, "you reap what you sow, karma, payback is a bitch"), user-unfriendliness, incalcitrant intransigence, bad web design, poor site navigation tools, lousy information architecture, deceptive online content, and Pseudo Blogs.

[signed] Steven Edward Streight aka Vaspers the Grate

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