Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Savage Blog Sacrifice Ritual

According to sources known only to me, due to a clandestine, anonymous poll conducted for my oldest client, Reginald Mental Hygiene Products, I have determined the grim reality.

This is not easy for me to say.

The vast majority of my international readers, particular those in the Netherlands, Brazil, Mexico, Germany, and Antarctica, want me to "blog about" the Savage Blog Sacrifice Ritual.

I think I will post a second poll here, due to the frankly underwhelming, whoopee 4 voters in 2 days, I am so disgruntled at the magic of online polling, I'm a gonna throw another one up into the air around here, cut my nose to spite my face (whatever that means??).

Just to make sure you all really want to hear the gory details of the very messy Blog Immolation and Blogger Decomposition.

You're SURE you want to know about this?

It occurs in a pageantry all its own, begun, they say long ago.

Two bloggers were engaging in a noble and radiantly beautiful storm of blog debate. The blogocombat got ugly, really ugly, though not vulgar in any way, and one of them went into Post Blogger Coma.

It was an involuntary sacrifice, the victim was defeated in argument. Flaming, falling into the sea, with lobsters and rockets all around.

The complex, hideous, intensely, nauseatingly gross, and messy, ritual involved was a result of this: the blogger first got angry that she lost the debate. She was humiliated, while the other blogger, the winner, held her dovely head up high and proud.

The loser blogger started posting sporadically, and comments dropped off steeply, from about 20 comments per post, to only 17 or sometime even as low as 12 or 13 comments per post, on average, excluding the Blog Dead Month of January.

Then she dropped blogging altogether--letting her blog float sans author, frozen in time, with last post dated "January 24, 1999" and here it was, already 2003, and now it was time to dispose of the rotting corpse of the abandoned blog.

I've decided to NOT divulge the sickening, undignified, and messy, details of the ritual now. Unless you demand it.

During January, bloggers don't do anything, except complain about how they have nothing to say and are void of all human feelings. And are now eating, and enjoying, cat food and paper clips for every meal, with optional peppermint tooth pick for dessert.

The ritual was exceptional in its social and psychiatric effects. Everyone hated it. I think Tim Berners-Lee, Vint Cerf, and Cameron Reilly railed against it, but I could be wrong, and often am.

I was a victim of this brutal and spine-chilling barbarity. They did the ritual to me, did you know that?

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