Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Infinite Praise for Blog Lurkers

Infinite praise is what lurkers deserve.

Yes, I said lurkers.

Lurkers.

You know. Your readers who don't ever, or very rarely, post comments.

What are we, as deconstructive blogologists and blog lovers, what are we to think?

That they don't like us? They are "withholding" their comments, depriving us of their wit and wisdom to be mean-spirited? To punish us? To imply we are boring, but they also are boring so they bore their boring heads at your boredom blog?

No, a thousand times: NO!

Lurkers love you.

Lurkers promote you...offline, in the *real* world.

Lurkers defend you in liquor serving establishment brawls and fisticuffs.

Lurkers treat your enemies like punching bags, clean their clocks, and deliver "early birthday presents" to them. A real slopbucketing with special effects, for those who know the secret Vaspers Vocabulary.

Lurkers are your allies.

THEY ARE FAITHFUL READERS.

LUrkerS...are so in awe of you, they want to shut up and listen TO YOU. They don't want to inflict their thoughts on you, they just want to lovingly soak up your splendid and unequaled genius.

LurkERS love you...and they also love YOUR BLOG.

They love the design, the paragraph spacing, the lack of ads, the relevant archive categories, the frequency of your posting, the color of your hair, the smell of your wires, the taste of your treats.

LurKErs also love your COMMENT POSTERS.

They love reading the comments, they always side with you and your supporters, they cheer you on...like angels.

LURkers...are angels hovering over your blog, protecting it with their loving and admiring thoughts.

LOVE....YOUR.....LURKERS!!!!

[You have just been exposed to the scathing acerbics of an Unpaid Opinion Essay--brought to you by Steven Edward Streight who is = the VAspers the GRRrrrate, in a mellow, Jimmy Buffet mood.]

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