Saturday, January 14, 2006

adventures in super-flaming

Adventures in super-flaming

can begin once the furnishings are set.

So far, we are teetering on the verge of mass censorship of all online text. I

am not entirely sure how soon the laws will move from "annoy anonymously using the internet" being a Federal Crime to "annoy using the internet" being a Federal Crime, but it's coming.

Right now, I annoy using my full and real name: Steven Edward Streight aka Vaspers the Grate. Other aliases include Allegorical Deer Slinger, Leopold the Told, Leper Guru of the Blogosphere 4.0, and CompuMusik.

When flaming of any sort, any form of aggressive criticism or questioning, rather: anything someone else considers "unpleasant", becomes ILLEGAL...

...I am here to save the day.

I already have a set of solutions for this dilemma. I mean, I'm a grate, an abrasive, a gadfly thorn in the flash in the blogosphere. Thus, I cannot ever be sweet, soft, or shy. I have to stand out by stepping up and walking tall as I put my foot down for the 9 Core Values of Blogging.

I have invented several emergency devices.

Super-flaming is one of the possible solutions.

Super-flaming is maniacal flattery, obsessively redundant praise, extolling the supposed virtues of your enemy until everyone wants to vomit from the excessive sweetness of your soliloquy, as you feverishly, deliriously over-accolade your sworn foe.

I did this once to a landlord who demanded unfeigned obedience to his ridiculous commands concerning the type of friends that could visit you. My non-conformist fellow musician Bloody Mess didn't fit the desired profile. To express my rebellion and non-violent resistance to his tyranny, I began a new religion based on reverence of his every word. I made up esoteric symbols and pseudo-ancient rituals, observances, pilgrammage, monkish rules for hyper-zeal.

When disagreement is banned, over-agree.

When anger is forbidden, be excessively, obnoxiously nice.

When independence is outlawed, form progressively restrictive attachments.

When flaming is illegal, run amok with super-flaming, hyper-praise.

Not "kill them with kindness", for we never should desire the death of any other being.

Rather: "transform them with opposing compulsions".

[signed] steven streight aka vaspers the grate


1 comment:

carrie said...

oh grate, now whenever someone leaves a positive comment on my blog i'll be wondering if they really mean the opposite! *blink*