Monday, December 12, 2005

Secret Vaspers Vocabulary

Secret Vaspers Vocabulary

This compendium will be updated frequently and archived as a distinct object in this blog's sidebar.

Vaspers the Grate Special Terminology, plus recent additions to the Blog Neologisms Project.

vasperize: subject an object to close reading, deep analysis, and remedial ideation. Or to just mercilessly destroy any puke blogger who gets in my way.

flame-blasting: using gentle provocation, seemingly innocent, to encourge an abusive comment poster to lose it, and blurt out a barrage of hate at you, to reveal their true intentions and intelligence level. Very commonly used by Vaspers to needle provocateurs and complainers into tangling themselves in their own words, sneakily provoking them to "eat their own hand". An advanced form of psychoanalytic entrapment, when performed correctly. Not for the faint-hearted, this always works beautifully. They never even realize what's happening, until it's too late. Probably the most effective and brutal technique in any blogocombat arsenal.

slop-bucketing with special effects: act of sudden-onset blogocombat aggression (shock and awe surprise attack), or (rare):an actual physical clobbering.

reciprocal commenting: posting a comment at the blog of a person who posted a comment at your blog, as a courtesy and to show appreciation for their comment.

c-sponge: a "comment sponge", or "remark monger"--someone who accumulates comments at their blog, but rarely posts comments at anyone else's blog. Unfortunately, very common.

comment blitzing: military-like campaign to post a flurry of furious comments, some nice, some nasty, depending on situation, with a lightning ferocity, hitting as many blogs as possible in a limited amount of time. It is generally implemented in order to accomplish specific blogocombat or educational objectives. Like issuing a warning about some blight on the blogosphere, like baby blogging, ghost blogging, or content hypertext spam modules.

feeding cat steak to mice: providing instructions to other bloggers on how to dissolve and supercede the information hegemony of the MSM and other domination systems. An official Doc Searls-approved term.

Chief Confrontation Officer of Blogosphere 4.0: the self-anointed title that Vaspers the Grate decided to pin on his bad self on January 11, 2006, in the midst of a controversy on Executive Ghost Blogging, as brought up by Neville Hobson in his NevOn blog and also at Web Pro News, who asked for contrary views.

Self-incriminating Blogging: when dumb crooks, stupid killers, or crybaby bully terrorists post *too many personal details* in their blogs. I wish more thugs would pause to gingerly reflect on their ideas, goals and plans. I cheer them on as they provide probable motive and leads for prosecutors. Yeah, buddy. Bring it on.

clinking: clique-linking, linking to and posting about only those bloggers who are in your clique, cult, or cul-de-sac. For example, a blogroll that, since your blog is a Blogspot blog, contains only other Blogspot blogs. Or linking in posts only to your friends and others who obediently agree with you. Also known as "incestuous blogging".

blang: blog slang, special words coined for and used within the blogosphere, the realm of all blogs. Probably the worst neologism ever coined, if I do say so myself.

sleazy link attack: a depraved, racist, sexist, pornographic, perverted, ultra-violent, etc. blog does you the extreme disfavor of blogrolling you or text-linking to your blog, when the link establishing blog is not only not relevant, but is also repulsive. A new form of anti-blog psychopath venue, first noticed during a Technorati search on Vaspers the Grate, January 23, 2006.

peering through the monkey hole: a half-assed attempt to understand something by judging it from a deeply conditioned point of view; i.e., a prejudiced, biased, unfair perspective, as in a disparaging attitude that bloggers are ALL just a bunch of pajama-clad, pizza-mongering, pot-smoking wannabe journalists, or lonely teenagers hooked on Harry Potter. The uneducated, misanthropic, envious point of view.

bloatosphere: legitimate blogosphere inflated to a diseased state by the influx of pseudo and anti blogs, which lowers the overall value and credibility of the blogosphere as a medium.

Morbid Stream Media: my play on the phrase "mainstream media (MSM)", emphasizing that the problem is not alleged "liberal bias", "mammonist corporate pandering", "right wing domination", or "lowest common denominator clemency".

No, the real root problem of the traditional mass market unilateral message delivery system is: the negative, non-heroic, pampering, worry-wart, whining Morbidity, focus on the dark and depressing.

This negative slant enables advertisers to sell more drugs, alcohol, food, fashions, and cruises to the stressed out consumers who are dumb enough to subject themselves to such abuse.

blogopath: person who hates blogs, the blogosphere, and the core values of blogging.

micro-blogospheria: sub-cultural sector of the blogosphere (like Metafilter, blog networks, or the infamous MySpace dork blog toilet). Also can refer to that portion of the blogosphere that a user experiences via his bookmarked favorites, blogroll, RSS feeds, or random surfing.

blogiverse: the totality of all existing blogs and blogoid objects, a fragmented, dis-unified aggregate of dissimilar blogging styles, cyber-cultures, passively enforced norms, best practice guidelines, and blogging goals.

over-bloggerization: precursor to blog psychosis.

blog psychosis: blogging-induced narcissistic collapse, featuring emotional morbidity and stereotyped behavioral aberrations, brought on by excessive concerns about lack of comments, too many comments to respond to adequately, excessive comment spam, massive amounts of abusive comments, or too many disagreements with blogger's opinions. Can also be triggered by hypochondriac over-valuation of "A Listers", link popularity, traffic volume, blog ad revenue, or blog citations.

Symptoms include dazed expression and lifeless movements of limbs when blogger is separated forcibly from blogosphere and computer, lack of interest in anything but blogs and blogology, inability to interact with others in real world social settings, insomnia, frozen shoulders, geek neck, obessive monologues about blogging when in the presence of those who are apathetic, hostile, or fearful toward blogs, and habitual, oblivious use of blogsospheric neologisms.

information hegemony: the monopolizing, repressing, and distorting of public information by forces and institutions of conventional media, such as MSM, governments, corporations, religion, or special interest groups. The opposite of social media's equality of voice and democracy of opinion.

blug: an ugly, detrimental, deceptive, or boring blog. Especially used for anti-blog blogs, often used by MSM journalists or their butt-kissers (courting fame and fortune), to use blog posts and comments at other blogs to attack the blogosphere, like a Trolling Trojanesque blog.

Trolling Trojanesque blog: appears to be one thing, but has an offensive mission deep within: to pump up the bloatosphere with pro-MSM misinformation, and praise for the government, religious institution, corporation, or media conglomerate that hired and sponsors the blogger.

Uses deceptive hype to promote the agenda of the organization that hired him, and conducts a warped version of "Damage Control" by creating an artificial "blogo buzz" or "memes" that favor the organization.

The "buzz agent blogger" then "trolls" or lurks in other blogs, looking for opportunities to defend his client and disparage any detractors.

blasher ("blog" + "basher"): an anti-blog blogger who's constantly bashing blogs, bloggers, and the blogosphere, based on the "if you can't beat them, join and infiltrate them, to do damage from within the enemy structure itself." An invasive, insolent intruder.

blogocombat: engaging in aggressive responses, at posts in your own blog, and in comments at the blogs of others, to criticisms, negative interpretations, or malicious lies about you that are expressed in blog posts and comments.

chatbot comment poster: a funny thing to accuse your blogocombat opponent of, calling him an automated program, a flimsy nonhuman piece of floating code, not a real person, a decoy deblogger, call him an "accelerated crypto-blugger servo-mechanism".

Chatbots are attempts to mimic the statement-response interactivity of conscious human intelligence entities. It's type that responds to your type, with no present human investment or involvement, which is how Jacques Derrida defines "inscription", "text-generation", and the automatonic creation of literature.

siglink ("signature" + "link"): embedding a hypertext link, in your signature added at the end of a blog post, that directs users back to your site. Used as a primitive DRM device, and a way to track the whereabouts of content stolen from your site.

Universal Blog Mantra: the original triad of "Authenticity. Transparency. Passion." that the blogosphere agreed on, until a sudden rise of Pseudo Blogging in early 2005 made some bloggers consider unreal characters to be appropriate spokespersons for client businesses, along with many other blog aberrations.

Blog Core Values: an expansion of the Universal Blog Mantra--Authenticity. Transparency. Passion. Credibility. Individualism. Creativity. Originality. Relevance. Integrity. These values represent the best guides to ethical and effective blogging.

Supreme Reality of the Blogosphere: the blog represents the Universalization of Web Content, the rise of Individual Voice, and the opportunity for two way candid conversations online, resulting in the end of the mainstream media hegemony.

link bomb: a siglink, reverse easter egg, or link rot posing as a normal link entity within a blog post, for anti-plagiarism, content-theft defense (DRM) and tracking purposes.

blorging: blogging for or about an organization.

pseudo blog (also: anti-blog): Any blog or blog-like site that deviates from the Universal Blog Mantra (Blog Core Values).

blogoid object: a web site that claims to be a blog, but has few blog characteristics or functions.

ghost blog: a blog or blog-like site that claims to be the online "voice" of an organization or individual (e.g., a CEO), but is actually written by an ad agency, marketing, or PR professional. Violates the principle of passionate two way conversation with actual real people in or representing a company or other organization. You are instead interacting with a hired gun, a paid writer who may say anything to defend the company, so they like him and keep paying him. Violates all the core values of blogging, especially Authenticity, Transparency, and Integrity.

proxy blog: blogging by way of another person who maintains and updates the blog. An example is Meet Vernon, a death row blogger who has no internet access: questions and remarks are emailed to his surrogate, who then forwards hard copies to the inmate, and his replies, along with the reader text, are posted at the blog for him by the surrogate.

sponsored link-o-blog: A blog that features, and may exist primarily to drive traffic to, sponsored links, meaning links placed by external companies who pay a fee to display their links on the blog. See "scumblogging".

textoblog: Blog that refrains from featuring visual art, video, photos, podcasts, music downloads, or audio files. Containing text only, aside from a few graphic badges, like I Power Blogger or a Firefox button, this blog will download faster and bore sooner.

derridean arche-blogging: Blog theories, methodologies, and practices that seek to "deconstruct" or radically question the basic assumptions of popular or professional blogging.

crypto blog: Blog that uses such special, non-normal languages as street slang, chat room abbreviations, acronyms, invented pseudo-speech, obscure foreign idioms, or highly technical terminology, generally with intent to veil the true content from parents, adults, enemy combatants, business competitors, or other unwanted or unauthorized visitors to the blog.

echo-chamber blog: any blog that says things you don't like, so you accuse it of being a mindless parroting machine, spewing unanalyzed rumors, falsehoods, and myths throughout the blogosphere.

Blogopaths and blog attackers will complain of how a certain story or statement reverberated quickly through the blogosphere, due to being picked up and disseminated by "echo-chamber" blogs.

They mean that the bloggers just idiotically, robotically, like zombies, repeat, or "echo", anything that is written in another blog.

This is itself a false characterization, a deliberate misrepresentation of the way bloggers generally tend to operate. Good bloggers will usually Google a term, name, or phrase, and do other research, prior to writing a post on a controversial issue or person.

DISCLAIMER: There may be exceptions, especially in the political blog arena, i.e., blogs that respond in a knee-jerk manner to a political rumor or gossip. But generally, the blogosphere is self-correcting in a relatively swift and effective fashion.

DFC (Dysfunctional Fictional Character) blog: A blog based on, or using as the primary spokes-entity, an imaginary persona, who replaces the logical spokesperson, which in most cases would be the CEO, owner, founder, or their official designated human surrogate. While Ronald McDonald may be a fairly good spokesperson, or blogger, for McDonalds hamburgers, most organizations should probably avoid inventing some magical fictional entity to represent them in a blog, unless the goal is to make your products seem extremely funny, irrelevant, or stupid.

bloffing: Blogging, or blog authoring, that relies on trivial, irrelevant, or predictable and impersonal or unprofessional "voice", sometimes refered to as "fluff", hence "fluff blogging" or "bloffing".

blooging: Blogging that is unprofessional, accidentally comical, or otherwise inappropriate. "Blogging" plus "goofy", hence "blooging".

crybaby bullying: A style of flaming, or personal attack, wherein those instigating the first round of combat pretend to be unfairly wounded victims of unjust harshing, when you retaliate in self-explanative defense.

de-harshing: Apologizing for a flame attack, and, in rare cases, even promising to pay for any debilitating psychic damage that may have been inflicted on the blogocombat target by your unbridled aggression.

quackification: The relentless expression of feeling oneself to be persecuted personally, simply due to others not agreeing with ones marketing or creative concepts relative to blogs or other vehicles. From the infamous "Dr. Quack" the rubber duck fictional character consultant who offered therapeutic advice to abused fictional character blog characters. Dr. Quack is the invention of Paul Woodhouse, head hauncho at the Tinbasher blog.

scumblogging: Any blog practice that is deceptive, immoral, criminal, unethical, or dubious. Includes "sleazy sponsored link blogs" that feature paid links for online casinos, pharmaceuticals, software, porn, real estate loans, and other questionable or detrimental commercial sites, which may also be spyware or adware attachment conveyers.

astral blogging: Posting information on advanced blog concepts, theory, or applications, such as blogs and Internet2, blogs and glogs (cyborg logs, psycho-geographics, assistive digital technologies), or blogs and the Interplanetary Internet.

apostrophica: A condition of turning aside, moving away from the original intention, to pursue lower priority, or less valuable, goals. Used as a term to describe an attempt to base a business blog on entertainment, fantasy, fictional characters, imaginary personas, paid celebrities, or other irrelevancies, thus negating Authenticity, Passion, Transparency, and candid conversations with real and appropriate spokepersons. The second most wretched neologism ever invented. (See "blang").

blog scorching: Suddenly, decisively, and without consulting anyone, deleting posts from a group blog, due to lack of appreciation, change in blog orientation, or other unresolvable issues, an idea invented by Andrea Streight.

From the "scorched earth policy" of combat in the American Civil War, whereby entire cities were burned, pillaged, leveled, which was practiced to inspire terror and broken spirits in the enemy and its populace. Vaspers the Grate is famous for blog scorching BLOGthenticity, Auburn College, a State-funded, Land-grant university of Alabama, education/business group blog, at which Vaspers was a contributing editor.

brown blogging: Similar to "brown nosing" but in a blog. Using blog posts, or comments to blog posts, to "kiss butt" and win the favor of an online community gathered by the blog, and the favor of the blogger(s) or blog author(s).

bloring: Posting dull, ignorant, unexciting, irrelevant material to a blog, with no interesting photos or art, and no links to substantiating sources. Combination of "blogging" and "boring".

link farm: a web site or blog that exists only to drive traffic to another site, thus boosting the target site's link popularity, citations, and search engine results. Also known as a splog (spam + blog).

blogroll filtering: visiting each blog in your blogroll, and deleting any that no longer seem relevant to you and your readers.

vending machine blog: a blog that loaded with sales pitches, items to purchase, downloads, registrations, and other functions of marketing/research data benefit, or financial gain, for the blog author or site owner.

circus blog: a blog that has too many graphics, animations, or other visual/audio distractions, causing users to become irritated and confused.

golb: "blog" in reverse, "blog" spelled backwards, a deconstructed blog, also called an "unblog". A blog that is deliberately stripped of all or some features, to experiment with blogging software, or to turn a blog into a static web site.

(See p. 128 of Naked Conversations by Scoble and Israel for example of Japanese "golbing" or "unblogging").

Not to be confused with pseudo blog, ghost blog, or blogoid object.

janky shit: as I understand it, this refers to those items and attitudes you tolerate while in a relationship with someone, which are jettisoned immediately after the moment of the break-up.

Or, as the coiner defines it--"Janky shit = ... everything that one tolerated while within the throes of love during the relationship, but would have despised as being owned by anyone else... like for instance, if it were owned by your in-laws, or the exroommate who put dogshit in the backseat of your car."

First occurence of janky shit noticed by Vaspers 12-29-05, in "your janky shit is on the curb for garbage pickup in the rain", which was said by a jilted woman to the bozo boyfriend. Coined by Min Jung Kim of Diva Bitchslaps blog.

[signed] Steven Streight aka Vaspers the Grate



Jonas Haurum said...

"(free expression, boldness, ....)

Hey you little freak, you forgot "baldness" - just look at Seth Godinand i, must be enough to considered a trend, huh?

In addition, a very usable dictionary. Maybe it should constitute a stand-alone project?

steven edward streight said...

No one knows what Vaspers the Grate looks like.

MARYBETH said...


you know...

i have to say

you are

Hilarious...and brilliantly so.

I really think you should write a short book on blogging.
Although popular, Blogging is still far from Mainstream, as I learned during my vist to the left coast these past 3 weeks.
" the pictures will be on a what??"
Perhaps a childrens book would be an effective way of teaching all ages and create a much wider authorship of this blogosphere in the future.

steven edward streight said...

A child could learn how to write by having a blog that they update frequently.

It's easy to type and to post digital imagery, with the right tools.

Children's stories about childhood, written for children and by children.

CyberGal said...

What an interesting dictionary! THanks for a good laugh. I also appreciate your informational post on my blog about spam. I have lifted all restrictions and use comment moderation, so that screen reader users have full access. Now, I return to graze VTG :-)

steven edward streight said...

Cyber Gal: I'll have to visit your blog again. I do things so fast. I forget what I said on your blog.

You got me thinking: why use the annoying Word Verification if I'm also using Comment Moderation?

Word Verification "captchas" are to block spambots, automated programs. So if you don't get many of these bots smearing their sewage on your blog, I guess you could drop the WV device.

Hmmmm....thanks for the tip.