Thursday, September 15, 2005

you are all in training

you are all in training

is the theme of this little note.

Everything I post at Vaspers the Grate is designed to secretly train a core group of bloggers, both personal and business, to invasively transmute the Blogosphere 3.0 to Blogosphere 5.0, skipping 4.0.

I am trying to forge a wedge that is rammed into the weak spot of the bloatosphere: that bloated realm of pseudo, ghosted, simulacra, faux, quasi, and anti blogs that reduces the overall value of the blogosphere.

My team, and if you're reading this, you're in the team, whether you knew it or not, is composed of free thinking rebels, cautious experimenters, and wild innovators.

Soon, I will publish a post on who I think are the best bloggers in the categories of Unique Voice, Relevant Link King/Queen, Most Imaginative, Most Artistic, Most Insane, Most Professional, Most Credible, Most Controversial, Most Radical, etc.

I want a certain contingent of bloggers to be able to see with my X ray vision.

I'd like to think a few Super Bloggers were emerging, guided at least partially by my better moments here at Vaspers the Grate.

As you read my posts, you slowly begin to be filled with Truth, which results gradually in Trust.

Blogging Blogopathic Blogophobes

There is a type of person who reads blogs, posts comments on blogs, and maybe has a blog, but more probably runs a web site, so feels superior to mere lowly bloggers.

"Blog": ugh. What an ugly lowly name. Too ugly to ever be arrogant. "I'm a blogger." Try saying that at the next cocktail party, cook out, or coffee bar conversation.

"Blog": grrr. Blogs make people angry. They attack you with subtle or blatant blows. Pretty vacant. Out to lunch, they argue that anything bloggy beyond the blog itself is ridiculous.

Did you catch that last statement? A whole world of understanding lies hidden and naked within it.

Everything bloggy beyond the blog itself: lower than lowly.

Blogocombat fighters and commenters: meet yet another enemy--wolf in dove's clothing. An anti-blogging blogger/commenter.

High Comedy: Of course it's especially funny to see them use blogs and blog comment functions to complain about, mock, dismiss, or attack blogs and bloggers.

They especially hate the term "blogologist", which is why I choose to call myself that. And "blog consultant" is extremely repulsive to them, I guess based on phony, inept people who pretend to have something valuable to say about implementing a blog in specific client applications.

According to these blogopathic blogophobes, these

Are Not Necessary:

* Blog Day

* Blog Consultants

* Meta-blogging (blogs about blogs)

* Special Blog Vocabulary (permalink, trackback, RSS, captcha, cold kicking, comment spam, wildcatting, clinking, proxy blog, podblog, glog, phlog, clog, unblog, bloggy, bloggery, blogmatic, blogoid, bloog, vlog, O-blog, Super Blogger, blogopoly, blogtivist, blogistics, blogology, blogologist, blogosphere--the more blog words are invented, the more angry they get).

* Mention of "blog" in any situation, especially a favorable report.

* Discussion of your blog and what you like about blogging.

* Explanation of why you blog and what your latest post deals with.

* Basically, anything that doesn't praise the blogophobe's conventional static web site and superior intelligence for sticking with an outmoded unilateral communication vehicle.


The background story that spawned this manifesto.

You Are All in Training

[signed] Steven Streight aka Vaspers the Grate



Disgruntled Car Salesman said...

You forgot "blogoholics*." Anti-bloggers hate blogoholics* such as myself...

*A blogoholic is someone addicted to the world of blogging. He/She thinks, sleeps, eats, dreams blogging. Typically he/she likes to use his/her blog to push a useless agenda or bitch profusely...

steven edward streight said...

Amen, Disgrunt, amen, brother.

Hello. My name is vaspers the grate and I'm a blogoholic.

I used to be a self-help bookoholic, right after I got done being a phenomenonlogy-oholic, which was a direct result of losing my battle with music-oholism.

Useless agendas and profuse bitching have their designated chores to perform in this world.

I stormed out of a real estate deal meeting tonight, yelling "this is ridiculous" and "there's nothing more we can do, this is their problem" and "let's go...NOW" and such like barbarisms and retorts.

Most professionals are irritating, unreal, and inept.

Most deals are full of confusion due to negligence and general mental decline.

A real business person is always extremely gruff, blunt, and explosive when the balls are against the walls.

The worst feeling in the whole world, to me, is not excruciating physical pain, but feeling like a chump, looking like an egotist, or being a victim of inexcusable incompetence.

I don't sit around smiling and making small talk when everything's messed up. I leave and do other things.

MARYBETH said...

"I don't sit around smiling and making small talk when everything's messed up. I leave and do other things. "

EXCELLENT ADVICE, STRADEGY, make it a quote if you want!!-How many fellow human beings have spent countless combined hours of our short lives sitting in situtaions that just sucked!

Voix said...

Ooooh. Cool. I wish I had the time to reflect review and analyze about my blog, but for now back to full time work and grad school have taken some of my blogging time away.

Glad to have you here to check in with, because you are a super informative resource.

Thanks, Steven, you rock.

zafu said...

Hey Steven,

You doing OK? No new content in a few days, so I wonder if everything is peachy. Have a good one.


carrie said...

patiently awaiting your return

Disgruntled Car Salesman said...

Where are you brother?

You are missed in the world of blog. Hope to see your return soon.


steven edward streight said...

A totally involuntary absence. I don't need no stinking "vacation from blogging" and hopefully never will.

See my latest post "What Happened to Vaspers?" for all the gory details of why I was unable to post anything for, what?, a few weeks? Ugh. Like being dead, I say.