Saturday, April 23, 2005

Goodbye Web Analysis, Hello Blogology

comedic deconstruction Posted by Hello

I was going to entitle this...

* enhance every jot and tittle ("diacritic dot, iota, jot, particle")
* titivate ("dress up, spruce up") the article
* give it a sense of titular ("having the nature of a title, or, existing in title only") entitlement a titillating ("to excite or stimulate pleasurably") manner:

"Web Sites are Dead. Long Live Blogs."


"Abandoning Web Analysis in Favor of Blogology."

You see, I am pretty much abandoning web usability analysis.

You want web analysis?

Here: web sites suck. Period.

You want blogology in a nutshell?

Here: blogs rule. Period.

"But Vaspers," you cry despondently. "Surely not all web sites in existence are horrible. And admit it, there are some worthless, stupid blogs out there. You said so yourself."

"Er...I did?" I reply in the persona, the non-fictional character, or caricature, of Vaspers the Grate.

"Yes. You even invented categorical systems for objective examination of bad blogs, like ghost blog, proxy blog, DFS (dysfunctional fictional character) blog, anonymous blog, drivel blog, and so forth. Fess up." You show visible signs of being wholly discomfited (frustrated, embarrassed).

Unable to leave you hanging in a discomfort zone, I respond with maximum clarity.


You are not amused.

"You have harshed blogs and blog consultants and blog practices you disagreed with, on many occasions," you explain with the last reserves of calm you can muster. "You have even angered and upset blogophiles, I mean blog lovers, by being so critical and judgmental of the blogosphere, which, by the way, you sneeringly refer to as the bloatosphere."

"Is that right?" I reply, in a feeble bid to buy some time.

"Yes, it's right. You know it's true. So now you're mounting yet another high horse, and denouncing web sites. Just another target for your hysterical hostility. I guess we should be used to jumping from one rant to another, with no rhyme nor reason. Sigh."

I shamefully stare at the buffed layer of black shoe polish gleaming at me as the light strikes it at a 45 degree angle that is calculated by guessing the attack vector it travels from my lamp to the shoe I'm wearing and at which I am shamefully staring.

"Well, I renounce nothing," comes my slow and awkward apologetics. "But, even though 90% of all blogs suck and are virtually worthless, still--blogs are the brilliant future, while web sites are the gloomy past."

"In what respects," you ask irritably.

"Web sites are generally non-interactive, unilateral broadcast billboards, full of corporate we-oriented fluff and bureaucrat-ese. They are typically just copy-and-pasted brochures, mission statements, and press releases. Rarely updated, cold and distant, their formality and stiffness are repulsive to the online users."

I feel proud of my summarization of why web sites suck, and thus, my rationale for losing all interest in analyzing their usability characteristics.

"And the superior attributes of blogs consist in what?" I hear you ask with a troubled look on your tone of voice.

"Blogs tend to be more interactive, via comments..."

"Aha!" you scream, nearly knocking me off my feet with your exclamation. "You hypocrite! Comments? Comments? On blogs? You turned your comments OFF, and the rumor going around the blogosphere is that your posts, which have evolved suddenly into hateful castigations of the blog scene and of blog consultants, have exposed you to such negative feedback, that you turned off the comments because you couldn't handle the negativity of your readers, or didn't want to let them challenge your assertions."

"...via comments or email to the blog author," I continue, ignoring the rude interruption.

"See? You won't even let me make a comment in this conversation! See? Some interactivity you espouse," you proclaim, smiling now for the first time today.

"Blogs allow an individual or organization to initiate a candid, direct, authentic, sincere, honest, intimate conversation with an audience. Whereas, web sites are just the old corporate BS in an online version." I state triumphantly.

"Oh yeah?" you counter quite logically. "Then what about this conversation? Why can't you acknowledge my comments right here and now?"

I smile patiently, and let a few seconds intervene between your question and my final statement, my glorious and vain reply:

"Because I coincide theoretically with Jacques Derrida, in affirming the supremacy of writing over talking, of text over speech, of blogging over podcasting, of inscription over vocalization. That's why. But comments on blogs are good and I do respond to them. I had to turn off the comment posting function, due to a comment spam storm. If you have any further questions or comments, just email me at: vaspersthegrate [AT] yahoo [DOT] com"


No comments: